Staring in the Face of Asperger's Syndrome

From outside observation she is a typical adolescent girl. She has cute hair, stylish clothes and a cell phone in her hand. If you ask her she will tell you that she loves her social networking sites, listening to the latest music and wants to marry the current teen heartthrob. To anyone looking on from the outside she is nothing more than an average American girl.

When you see her scream and run circles to get away from a bee it strikes you as being a bit overdramatic. If you observed her reaction at the store when she stomped her feet and screamed at her mother you likely would feel she needed better discipline. When she sits alone in the corner of a room in tears because her best friend is ignoring her at a party, you decide she is spoiled and inconsiderate.

What you and many others do not realize from the outside is this young lady is anything but a typical American girl. You are staring into the face of a form of Autism that most are unaware of. This girl who appears to be nothing more than a moody and demanding child, is actually suffering from Asperger’s Syndrome.  If you could look into the life of this young lady, you would see that what is portrayed on the outside is far from what is going on inside.

Asperger’s Syndrome is a form of high functioning autism. Those who are touched by this special condition are often very intelligent and desire to be social. That tends to separate them from the traditional autistic child. The problem is that they do not know how to do so. Those things that come naturally to most of the world are a struggle and a learned effort for these children.

The cute hairstyles she wears took years to master. When other kids were styling their hair, her mother was focused on just getting her to be able to tolerate having it brushed.  For many years the feel of the brush in her hair made her scream.  Now it has become a way to soothe herself and she is almost always brushing her hair.

Socializing is a problem.  Children with Asperger’s do not understand how to be social. They do not know how to properly interact with others. They speak very matter of fact when in conversations and this often leads to saying the wrong thing to peers.

The cell phone in her hand seldom rings. She doesn’t get invited to birthday parties anymore. She doesn’t get invited to sleepovers.  She continues to hope, but she notices.

Yes she enjoys her social networking. She has a few friends that communicate with her. However, most of her time on there is spent the same as her time offline- alone. She even becomes the victim of online bullying from time to time. Her parents have to be extra cautious.

She longs to be one of the girls that is included in everything. She strives to be popular. Instead she is always just a bit different.

The fact that she ran from the bees is brought on by a real and terrifying fear for her. It may seem silly to outsiders but for her it is debilitating. The stomping feet and screaming is a typical meltdown. She has mastered being able to stop before she carries it further. It took a while to learn to do that. Crying over her friend is due to a real hurt that she experiences when she feels like she is being excluded from her only friend’s life.

Parents of what are known as Aspies can tell you that life is never easy. Teaching basic tasks like personal hygiene are an everyday thing.  Meltdowns occur regularly and can be sparked by anything. While peers are planning for a driving test, the parent of an Aspie is mourning the fact their child may never be able to drive.

Parents of these children have their own social problems. Many of their friends and loved ones do not understand their children. This can lead to the loss of social interaction for the parent and sometimes the loss of valued friendships.

The hardest part is that children with Asperger’s appear to be normal. They imitate well and can conform in a way to their environment. They are the weird kid in the back of the class, but they are still considered normal. So their behavior makes them stand out. Yet, unlike obvious special needs children these kids do not get the help and attention they deserve. Worst of all, neither do their parents.

Asperger’s and other forms of autism are often discarded by people as being over-diagnosed and unreal. So these children are not only struggling to fit in among  a world they do not understand, they are being judged as they do so.

You may know a child who has been diagnosed as Asperger’s. You may know a parent who is struggling with the diagnosis. Finding out that your child will always be different is never an easy thing. If you are looking for what to do for them, you can offer much more than you realize. Be supportive. Give them a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen and more than anything let them know that you are behind them as they stare into the face of Asperger’s Syndrome.  Acceptance means more than anything to an Aspie and their parents.